celebrity gossip

Tristan and Khloe: My Theories on Cheaters

This is what I think: Any man who believes that there are only SOME types of women worth treating well is going to end up treating the woman he loves the MOST the WORST. It’s a catch 22 in my opinion. 

I feel the need to say that Khloe Kardashian in no way deserved to be cheated on. Nobody deserves to be cheated on, especially when they’re pregnant. But I don’t think the public’s interest in and focus on this cheating scandal is all coming from a malicious and cruel place. I think people are connecting to this story for a few reasons: 1) there are lots of Khloe fans out there because she’s hilarious and straight-up and many beautiful things and 2) some of us have been played by people in our own lives and so this cheating scandal stirs up painful past emotions.

EXCLUSIVE: Khloe Kardashian and Tristan Thompson hold hands after dinner at Zuma in Miami

Still, my hope is that it is possible for us outsiders observing this story to learn something positive that will help improve our own lives as a result of theorizing about the cheating scandal going on with Khloe Kardashian and Tristan Thompson. Yep, in layman’s terms, talking about this shit is like self-help (if you want it to be…but it’s also a form of entertainment, too).

I think analyzing this Khloe/Tristan situation can help increase the chances someone will get out of excruciatingly painful situations or stop repeating personal patterns. In the past when I’ve had low confidence and I’ve seen public figures (i.e. Halle Berry) who I think are very desirable get cheated on, or betrayed by their partners in some way, it’s shaken up my idea of how the universe works. As a by-product it helped improve my confidence because I couldn’t ignore the possibility that the reason a guy doesn’t want me might be due to something other than because I’m ugly (I now see that I’m not ugly, I’m beautiful…at least I feel that way a lot of the time). Rejection by a guy was always something I blamed on my own shortcomings.

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When I was younger, I kind of thought being hot would prevent someone from being cheated on. Through seeing public stories of betrayal, like when Halle Berry’s husband cheated on her and publicly admitted to doing so, started to teach me, little by little, something new: cheaters, abusers, etc. treat people bad due to how they feel about themselves, never because someone is ugly or dumb or somehow deserving of poor treatment.

Nobody deserves poor treatment. I have to remind myself of this because I’ve put up with a lot of emotional abuse due to an underlying fear that I can’t do any better or because I’m not worthy of being treated well.  Cheating is about more than how a woman looks. Also, men can control themselves and their dicks.

If talking about the Khloe/Tristan scandal stops one person from going through the same thing, then I think that discussing painful situations—such as when your baby daddy sticks his dick in someone else right before you’re about to pop…assuming that’s how far Tristan Thompson took his cheating—is worth it. (Just so y’all know in case ya don’t: There’s currently no actual physical proof he fucked someone else–make-outs, crotch grabbing and motorboating are the only acts we know happened for sure—unless the security video of Tristan and two lovelies in da club is a fake and it’s the ILLUMINATI trying to play with our minds (kidding, I’m seriously not an Illuminati believer AT ALL)).

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This is what I’m thinking after seeing the latest celeb cheating scandal:

IF HE IS TELLING YOU ABOUT ALL THE BITCHES HE TREATED POORLY IN THE PAST, YOU CAN GUARANTEE YOU’RE GOING TO BE ADDED TO THAT BITCH LIST ONE DAY:

I dated a man once who told me he cheated on his pregnant wife a few times–his daughter was 10 or 11 when he was telling me this–and in case you’re wondering, he was still married at the time I was dating him, but he lived separately from his wife. Nevertheless, I felt their need to co-parent was a guise for their continuing co-dependency–like for example even though he had sex with lots of other women he said that his wife hadn’t been with anyone since they’d broken up, which made me think they were still together and/or he was continuing to lead her on by staying married to her. So even though I’m saying I don’t think I’d date a man who has another woman pregnant, I have dated a guy who was still married–regardless of what the actual state of their relationship was at the time, which, since I could never trust what he said anyways, I’ll never really know–I’ve dated some people I should have run from IMMEDIATELY and didn’t due to low self confidence.

While I continued to date the guy after he told me he was still legally married to his wife and that he’d drop by his wife’s place (where his daughter lived) whenever he felt like (another red flag that made me think they were likely still together) when he told me that he CHEATED ON HIS WIFE A FEW TIMES WHILE SHE WAS PREGNANT WITH THEIR DAUGHTER a part of me started to hate him, even though I still found him sexually attractive, more than I already did (for a variety of other reasons such as how he’d treat me).

I felt sick to my stomach because it was a sign that this man would NEVER be good to me. At least that’s how I interpreted his confession that he’d cheated on his pregnant wife. Anyone capable of hurting the person they’re supposed to be committed to loving the most is definitely fucked-up to the point that they’ll hurt anyone who gets close (unless they go intense therapy and experience a massive shift in thinking). While I’ve dated some douche bags there is one thing I’ve alway kept in the back of my mind, even though I tried to push it out of my mind I couldn’t entirely forget when I was with these men that they were going to hurt me badly if I continued to spend time with them. And they did. It wasn’t a risk worth taking because of the emotional trauma I’ve experience from it. I wish I had walked away instead of stepped closer to people who made me feel ugly, unattractive, unlovable, and worthless. When these men talked shit about other women they’d been with I knew in my heart that they’d treat me just as bad as their past partners.

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The scary thing about someone who cheats like Tristan Thompson is that the chances of the video/photo proof of his cheating being ALL of the cheating are slim to none. He is brazen and openly cheating on his very famous, very pregnant girlfriend in public and he’s famous too. Did ya think no one would see, Tristan? I think that when someone is that open to other women that it’s not suddenly shut off except for the odd slip-up.

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Tristan’s Mom (wonder what she’s thinking right now), Tristan, Kris, Khloe

CAN A NON-CHEATER/NON-PLAYER START DATING A NEW WOMAN WHILE HE HAS ANOTHER WOMAN IMPREGNATED? IS IT TOO MUCH TO ASK A MAN TO STAY ABSTINENT IF HE HAS ANOTHER WOMAN PREGNANT? Give it a rest, man!

If it is true that Khloe started dating Tristan when his ex was pregnant with his child than that’s not very cool. I should never say never, and I’ll have to admit I’m an idiot if the universe tosses a curve ball my way and I end up dating a guy who’s already got another woman pregnant at the time BUT, until then, I’m gonna say that it’s not hot when a guy already has another girl pregnant. Even if she got pregnant from a one night stand and they were never even in a relationship, I think the guy should give his dick a break while she’s pregnant. Don’t know why I feel so judgmental about this, but I feel like 99% of men who have someone else pregnant already and are entering into a new relationship before the women pregnant with his child have even given birth is probably a hard-core player: one who’s always looking for the next best thing.

I think Tristan probably went out of his way to an extreme degree to convince Khloe that his relationship with her was somehow different and that he was faithful, but then it’s like, what would make his other baby mama so horrible that she’d be dropped while she is pregnant. A man could support the woman he got pregnant through her pregnancy without needing to date her or fuck her: being celibate or not starting a new relationship is a way I think a man could respect the woman he’s gotten pregnant. I know this idea is way too uptight for most, but it’s how I feel.

Kim Kardashian, Kourtney Kardashian, Khloe Kardashian

I think that those videos are minor examples that Tristan Thompson is probably VERY open to women every time he is in a situation where he thinks no one is watching and that he can get away with it. If being faithful comes from a place of respect for the woman that you’re with and for yourself, then you won’t be sucked into motorboating a woman at a club. If someone is simply creating the APPEARANCE of being faithful because they (Tristan) want one public woman (Khloe) because he thinks she is superior to other women (because of beauty, wealth, kindness, intelligence, whatever it may be), then that guy (Tristan) ain’t go no real respect for women and if you’re with him, he’s going to end up burning you.

IT SUCKS TO DATE ATHLETES AND MEN WHO GET TONS OF ATTENTION. IT’S HARD STAYING A FAITHFUL IN NORMAL CIRCUMSTANCES, SO DATING A MAN WITH TONS OF WOMEN AFTER HIM IS SCARY AS FUCK. 

The hard part for me to understand (I never really have people openly hit on me so I don’t know what it’s like to have to reject non-stop advances from hot people) is where a guy who is an athlete or famous and/or rich in some other way gets so much attention from women that there is a non-stop flow of female attention coming their way. I have no idea what that actually feels like and how persuasive that would be. Some men probably only have to shut down someone aggressively hitting on them on a monthly or yearly basis, but it’s safe to say Tristan Thompson probably gets hit on many times a day.

But I think there are faithful men out there who get hit on a lot. I think that men who are able to stay faithful can do so because they choose to mentally disconnect from the sexual desire they feel for the person hitting on them (depending on how attractive they find the person hitting on them to be). Also, don’t take risks that make it harder to stay faithful: not getting too physically close to people one finds attractive or choosing to put the importance of the relationship one is committed to in the forefront of one’s minds).

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IF HE’S GOT A VIRGIN/WHORE COMPLEX, HE WILL FUCK YOU OVER WHETHER HE THINKS YOU’RE THE VIRGIN OR THE WHORE. 

Any man who believes that there are only SOME type of women worth treating well is going to end up treating the woman he loves the worst (in my opinion). It’s for each and every woman who is dating a man to figure out whether he respects women or not (for example if a guy thinks there’s such a thing as a difference between a good girl and a hoe and that each “type of woman” deserves to be treated differently (aka better or worse), well then, guess what? This guy’s gonna be an asshole because he doesn’t really think women are equal to men. If a man views a woman as his equal and partner he will not go doing her in a way he doesn’t want coming straight back to him. I wonder how Tristan would react and feel if he found out Khlo boned a dude while she was pregger with his kid? I don’t think this is the case, because I think Khloe seems like she’d be the ideal girlfriend who is very loyal and trustworthy, so I don’t think Tristan had anything to worry about. But now that he’s wronged her and their child, I’m curious about how she feels.

Why do cheaters seek out those who don’t cheat? Because cheaters have fragile egos and they could never handle receiving what they dish out (yes, I am bitter based on people I’ve dated in the past who were like this..can’t say they were cheaters since they were open about being with other women, and we weren’t in committed relationships. On my part, I was monogamous with them. I never did anything to make them feel I was interested in another man, because I wasn’t and that’s not who I am. They rubbed their other conquest in my face of course. Yet, I noticed these men freaked out at the smallest sign of feeling like I might find someone else attractive or not be entirely obsessed with them: HYPOCRITES!

All I know from being with liars and cheaters is that I suggest people who want to maintain their self-confidence STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM! Based on my experience with perpetual playboys who always need the attention of multiple women at any given time, the men I dated only seemed to feel loved when they realized their treatment of me hurt me deeply (which I would express through intense anger and name-calling, so yep, I’m fucked up too). If I was not in pain and freaking out about how much they were hurting me, then it seemed like they thought I didn’t care at all so they’d need to treat me bad again to see if I cared enough to react (and I did at the time). So this all part of a cycle between people in harmful relationships.

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Imaginary convo: “Oh, you thought I’d be cool with you public humiliating me with side chicks a few days before I pushed your baby out of my vagine? Boy, bye!”

Khloe does not open to settling with Tristan Thompson and continuing to date him and be his woman even though he did her this way. I’ve never got the impression any of the Kardashian-Jenner women are accepting of their men being unfaithful. That doesn’t mean warning signs weren’t overlooked on Khloe’s part, but she still didn’t deserve to be lied to and cheated on. No way, no how! I love Khloe and ultimately, people can’t live their lives guarded and always expecting the worst. Even though I have a tendency to think in worst-case-scenarios-ways I still dated assholes who treated me terribly. Still after those relationships and after hearing about Khloe and Tristan, I wonder what can be learned for next time. Celebrity gossip (especially when there’s proof like with the videos of Tristan cheating) can be productive and can help change our lives as viewers for the better (if we want them to).

EVERYBODY IS INNOCENT UNTIL PROVEN GUILTY, BUT FOCUS ON THE FACTS TOO.

Don’t ignore facts. Like, oh, he has another girl pregnant right now. Even if they’re not in a relationship it doesn’t really make a diff if she’s got a bun in the oven and the dude you wanna bone is the papa. If I was in this scenario, I hope that I’d ask myself, “would I want the dude who’s baby I’m having to be fucking other girls while I’m preggers?” No, I don’t think I would like that very much, and so I hope I wouldn’t take part in putting another pregnant woman through that pain, but attractions have made me and many people do crazy things and ignore all rationality in the past, so who am I to judge?

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Chyna: “What stroller?”

I’ve got another question on hand: Who gonna date this dude (soon Tristan won’t be Tristan, he’ll just be that dude Khloe had a baby with) next? The overlap with pregnant baby mama and starting new relationships/hooking up with others while baby mama pregnant has happened twice so far. Hopefully, Tristan can get help and change his patterns. I believe it is possible to stop destructive relationship patterns, but there has to be the desire to do so. Maybe Tristan just needs to find a girl who can live with his indiscretions and is open to a Sister Wives situation like Kody Brown’s wives are.

I hope Khloe is blocking out social media, other people’s opinions and is focusing on her baby. As I know from watching Keeping up with the Kardashians for such a long time, Khloe has wanted a baby for many years. I am happy she has a baby and I hope that she gets some peace soon and doesn’t feel too much pain and sadness! Khloe seems like a resilient person. But, as anyone who’s been deeply betrayed knows, it is hard to see past it when you’re in it. Even Beyonce doubted her self-worth when Jay-Z cheated on her. It’s natural to feel that way, but that doesn’t mean anybody needs to settle for someone who betrays them in the worst way possible.

UnREAL: Realistic Representation of Reality TV

I started watching UnREAL on Thursday. It is now Saturday, and I have just finished watching all 10 episodes of the 1st season of this outstanding scripted dramedy. UnREAL is about the behind-the-scenes action on a fictional reality TV show called “Enchanted”.

I am a huge fan of reality TV. As a teacher, it is my job to be sociable, patient, friendly, and emotionally available to students during the day, so I look forward to getting home from school, downloading a reality show, and being able to zone-out and observe different personality types and drama without having to react to them…or smile…or respond in any way. Therefore, I find these shows highly entertaining, and, yes, relaxing.

While I am a fan, I would also be an idiot if I were to deny the fact that the aspects of humanity that reality TV shows use to create drama are primarily negative. I believe that my life has been positively impacted by some of the stories I have seen shared on reality TV, but there are also many values that are promoted on most of these shows that are disgusting: judging women and men based on their physical appearance alone, taking advantage of people’s insecurities and/or mental health issues, and reinforcing racist, sexist, homophobic, and various other stereotypes about people.

UnREAL is the first scripted show that I have watched that honestly deals with the types of people who would choose to produce and work on reality TV shows. For example, the show’s protagonist, Rachel, is a producer. She is willing to use any information and any angle she can think of (and she can think of many since she is a highly intelligent and perceptive person) to get something exciting for the cameras.

One of the characters on “Enchanted” is Mary, who is a single mother, and she recently got out of an abusive relationship. For “good TV” Rachel finds Mary’s abusive ex-partner and brings him on the show to confront Mary and the “Bachelor” character, Adam, without Mary or Adam’s awareness that the ex was going to suddenly appear. A fight ensues, and Mary’s situation becomes incredible tragic (likely due to this and because of another factor that a different drama-hungry producer on the show stoops to an all-time low to create) as the series progresses.

This situation reminds me that drama is exciting, and it is a great distraction from my own life, but the lengths reality TV shows creators and producers will go to to provide me with “entertainment” can irreparably harm real people’s lives. Since I consume those shows, I am also contributing to the destruction of people’s lives.

Even though it would be easy to shrug it off and say these reality TV show characters/people/performers are asking for it by going on these shows instead of getting “normal” day jobs, UnREAL highlights how many of these shows are using desperate people, who may have pre-existing mental health problems, and exploiting them. I think that part of the stigma surrounding mental health is that people are blamed for their sickness, and the ridicule that is heaped on people who act “crazy” is somehow viewed as completely acceptable. I still see a variety of examples that lead me to believe that most of mainstream society still thinks that “insane” people are not sick people; instead, they’re bad people. When people who have “freak-outs” on these shows are discussed on social media, in real-life, and in the media the dialogue surrounding them must only make it that much harder for these people to move on from having a mental breakdown on national TV and build a life away from reality TV.

Most people want to claim that they are sensitive to people who are mentally ill, but based on what I have heard people say in real-life when talking about people who have been depressed, acted bizarrely, or erratically there usually seems to be a complete lack of compassion. On the one hand, people who exhibit a lack of self-control and bad behaviour should not be rewarded or given a pat on the back, but on the other hand, if a person is clearly not well or of a sound mind, does it really help to gossip about them and treat them like there’s something wrong with them?

During the summer, I biked to UBC to go to Wreck Beach. While I was locking up my bike at the tops of the stairs there was a man about 15 feet away who was screaming and shouting about “Pigs” (the police, I assume). I would characterize him as mentally-ill. He later walked around the beach area screaming at someone/something that was not there, and I am not a mental health professional, but he seemed delusional. There were a few young men across the street from the bike rack area who were taunting the man and making fun of him. When I see people, who would likely describe themselves as sane, do this sort of cruel thing it reminds me of how ignorant we all are about mental health and what it means to be mentally ill.

The biggest problem is not the man who was ranting and raving, instead it is the “sane” people who pick-on sick people, thereby increasing people’s paranoia and fear. Yet, my own choice to obsessively watch reality TV shows that do the same sort of thing, and much worse, to people who are already in a weak position in terms of their state-of-mind, makes me wonder if I am any different from those young guys who were yelling at the man who seemed mentally ill? I will keep on watching reality TV, but UnREAL provides a lot of food for thought about what I am actually taking part in when I watch these kinds of exploitative shows.

Up until now this article has been a downer, but UnREAL is not only dark and thought-provoking, it’s also hilarious. The characters are complex, lovable, imperfect, believable, and so brutally honest that a lot of the dialogue made me laugh. Shiri Appleby plays Rachel to superb perfection. Rachel does so many things wrong to other people, but we get to see that she is also seriously struggling with her mental health and her own personal life is just as negative as her work life. Rachel is always trying to figure out what she can use other people for, instead of focusing on what she can do to truly help them. I think that if people are being honest we all have the same thing in ourselves. Sometimes, I am more concerned with what I am getting out of an interaction than what I’m giving, but that is something I want to work on minimizing.

Rachel’s boss is Quinn. Quinn is played by Constance Zimmer, and she is everything you’d imagine a ruthless boss bitch would be. But, of course, Quinn also has a heart, and I felt compassion for her, even though I think her behaviour is appalling. Quinn has been having a long-term affair with the show’s executive producer/owner, Chet, played by Craig Bierko. Quinn is not as strong as she seems, and UnREAL illustrates through these characters’ personal lives that there is no on-and-off switch for using and manipulating people.

If you think it is okay to capitalize on people’s weaknesses for a reality show at any cost, then it is likely that you will do the same to people you are dating and friends with. And, they will do the same to you. Since I don’t want to give away any of the important plot points about the show, I will end my review here. If you love or hate reality TV, it doesn’t really matter, because I think this show appeals to both of those categories of people. UnREAL is a genius show in my opinion. Life is complicated, and UnREAL doesn’t shy away from looking at the darkest undercurrents of reality TV. I totally related to all of the main characters, though I’d like to believe I wouldn’t be willing to do what they do, though I’ve done some terrible things in my time. Just like Rachel, Quinn, and Chet, I’m not perfect. I am constantly trying to balance my own selfish desires with what I think will make the world a better place. UnREAL helped me feel better about myself while simultaneously encouraging me to think more deeply about the choices I make in life. Bravo to the show’s creators Marti Noxon and Sarah Gertrude Shapiro!