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Tristan and Khloe: My Theories on Cheaters

This is what I think: Any man who believes that there are only SOME types of women worth treating well is going to end up treating the woman he loves the MOST the WORST. It’s a catch 22 in my opinion. 

I feel the need to say that Khloe Kardashian in no way deserved to be cheated on. Nobody deserves to be cheated on, especially when they’re pregnant. But I don’t think the public’s interest in and focus on this cheating scandal is all coming from a malicious and cruel place. I think people are connecting to this story for a few reasons: 1) there are lots of Khloe fans out there because she’s hilarious and straight-up and many beautiful things and 2) some of us have been played by people in our own lives and so this cheating scandal stirs up painful past emotions.

EXCLUSIVE: Khloe Kardashian and Tristan Thompson hold hands after dinner at Zuma in Miami

Still, my hope is that it is possible for us outsiders observing this story to learn something positive that will help improve our own lives as a result of theorizing about the cheating scandal going on with Khloe Kardashian and Tristan Thompson. Yep, in layman’s terms, talking about this shit is like self-help (if you want it to be…but it’s also a form of entertainment, too).

I think analyzing this Khloe/Tristan situation can help increase the chances someone will get out of excruciatingly painful situations or stop repeating personal patterns. In the past when I’ve had low confidence and I’ve seen public figures (i.e. Halle Berry) who I think are very desirable get cheated on, or betrayed by their partners in some way, it’s shaken up my idea of how the universe works. As a by-product it helped improve my confidence because I couldn’t ignore the possibility that the reason a guy doesn’t want me might be due to something other than because I’m ugly (I now see that I’m not ugly, I’m beautiful…at least I feel that way a lot of the time). Rejection by a guy was always something I blamed on my own shortcomings.

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When I was younger, I kind of thought being hot would prevent someone from being cheated on. Through seeing public stories of betrayal, like when Halle Berry’s husband cheated on her and publicly admitted to doing so, started to teach me, little by little, something new: cheaters, abusers, etc. treat people bad due to how they feel about themselves, never because someone is ugly or dumb or somehow deserving of poor treatment.

Nobody deserves poor treatment. I have to remind myself of this because I’ve put up with a lot of emotional abuse due to an underlying fear that I can’t do any better or because I’m not worthy of being treated well.  Cheating is about more than how a woman looks. Also, men can control themselves and their dicks.

If talking about the Khloe/Tristan scandal stops one person from going through the same thing, then I think that discussing painful situations—such as when your baby daddy sticks his dick in someone else right before you’re about to pop…assuming that’s how far Tristan Thompson took his cheating—is worth it. (Just so y’all know in case ya don’t: There’s currently no actual physical proof he fucked someone else–make-outs, crotch grabbing and motorboating are the only acts we know happened for sure—unless the security video of Tristan and two lovelies in da club is a fake and it’s the ILLUMINATI trying to play with our minds (kidding, I’m seriously not an Illuminati believer AT ALL)).

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This is what I’m thinking after seeing the latest celeb cheating scandal:

IF HE IS TELLING YOU ABOUT ALL THE BITCHES HE TREATED POORLY IN THE PAST, YOU CAN GUARANTEE YOU’RE GOING TO BE ADDED TO THAT BITCH LIST ONE DAY:

I dated a man once who told me he cheated on his pregnant wife a few times–his daughter was 10 or 11 when he was telling me this–and in case you’re wondering, he was still married at the time I was dating him, but he lived separately from his wife. Nevertheless, I felt their need to co-parent was a guise for their continuing co-dependency–like for example even though he had sex with lots of other women he said that his wife hadn’t been with anyone since they’d broken up, which made me think they were still together and/or he was continuing to lead her on by staying married to her. So even though I’m saying I don’t think I’d date a man who has another woman pregnant, I have dated a guy who was still married–regardless of what the actual state of their relationship was at the time, which, since I could never trust what he said anyways, I’ll never really know–I’ve dated some people I should have run from IMMEDIATELY and didn’t due to low self confidence.

While I continued to date the guy after he told me he was still legally married to his wife and that he’d drop by his wife’s place (where his daughter lived) whenever he felt like (another red flag that made me think they were likely still together) when he told me that he CHEATED ON HIS WIFE A FEW TIMES WHILE SHE WAS PREGNANT WITH THEIR DAUGHTER a part of me started to hate him, even though I still found him sexually attractive, more than I already did (for a variety of other reasons such as how he’d treat me).

I felt sick to my stomach because it was a sign that this man would NEVER be good to me. At least that’s how I interpreted his confession that he’d cheated on his pregnant wife. Anyone capable of hurting the person they’re supposed to be committed to loving the most is definitely fucked-up to the point that they’ll hurt anyone who gets close (unless they go intense therapy and experience a massive shift in thinking). While I’ve dated some douche bags there is one thing I’ve alway kept in the back of my mind, even though I tried to push it out of my mind I couldn’t entirely forget when I was with these men that they were going to hurt me badly if I continued to spend time with them. And they did. It wasn’t a risk worth taking because of the emotional trauma I’ve experience from it. I wish I had walked away instead of stepped closer to people who made me feel ugly, unattractive, unlovable, and worthless. When these men talked shit about other women they’d been with I knew in my heart that they’d treat me just as bad as their past partners.

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The scary thing about someone who cheats like Tristan Thompson is that the chances of the video/photo proof of his cheating being ALL of the cheating are slim to none. He is brazen and openly cheating on his very famous, very pregnant girlfriend in public and he’s famous too. Did ya think no one would see, Tristan? I think that when someone is that open to other women that it’s not suddenly shut off except for the odd slip-up.

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Tristan’s Mom (wonder what she’s thinking right now), Tristan, Kris, Khloe

CAN A NON-CHEATER/NON-PLAYER START DATING A NEW WOMAN WHILE HE HAS ANOTHER WOMAN IMPREGNATED? IS IT TOO MUCH TO ASK A MAN TO STAY ABSTINENT IF HE HAS ANOTHER WOMAN PREGNANT? Give it a rest, man!

If it is true that Khloe started dating Tristan when his ex was pregnant with his child than that’s not very cool. I should never say never, and I’ll have to admit I’m an idiot if the universe tosses a curve ball my way and I end up dating a guy who’s already got another woman pregnant at the time BUT, until then, I’m gonna say that it’s not hot when a guy already has another girl pregnant. Even if she got pregnant from a one night stand and they were never even in a relationship, I think the guy should give his dick a break while she’s pregnant. Don’t know why I feel so judgmental about this, but I feel like 99% of men who have someone else pregnant already and are entering into a new relationship before the women pregnant with his child have even given birth is probably a hard-core player: one who’s always looking for the next best thing.

I think Tristan probably went out of his way to an extreme degree to convince Khloe that his relationship with her was somehow different and that he was faithful, but then it’s like, what would make his other baby mama so horrible that she’d be dropped while she is pregnant. A man could support the woman he got pregnant through her pregnancy without needing to date her or fuck her: being celibate or not starting a new relationship is a way I think a man could respect the woman he’s gotten pregnant. I know this idea is way too uptight for most, but it’s how I feel.

Kim Kardashian, Kourtney Kardashian, Khloe Kardashian

I think that those videos are minor examples that Tristan Thompson is probably VERY open to women every time he is in a situation where he thinks no one is watching and that he can get away with it. If being faithful comes from a place of respect for the woman that you’re with and for yourself, then you won’t be sucked into motorboating a woman at a club. If someone is simply creating the APPEARANCE of being faithful because they (Tristan) want one public woman (Khloe) because he thinks she is superior to other women (because of beauty, wealth, kindness, intelligence, whatever it may be), then that guy (Tristan) ain’t go no real respect for women and if you’re with him, he’s going to end up burning you.

IT SUCKS TO DATE ATHLETES AND MEN WHO GET TONS OF ATTENTION. IT’S HARD STAYING A FAITHFUL IN NORMAL CIRCUMSTANCES, SO DATING A MAN WITH TONS OF WOMEN AFTER HIM IS SCARY AS FUCK. 

The hard part for me to understand (I never really have people openly hit on me so I don’t know what it’s like to have to reject non-stop advances from hot people) is where a guy who is an athlete or famous and/or rich in some other way gets so much attention from women that there is a non-stop flow of female attention coming their way. I have no idea what that actually feels like and how persuasive that would be. Some men probably only have to shut down someone aggressively hitting on them on a monthly or yearly basis, but it’s safe to say Tristan Thompson probably gets hit on many times a day.

But I think there are faithful men out there who get hit on a lot. I think that men who are able to stay faithful can do so because they choose to mentally disconnect from the sexual desire they feel for the person hitting on them (depending on how attractive they find the person hitting on them to be). Also, don’t take risks that make it harder to stay faithful: not getting too physically close to people one finds attractive or choosing to put the importance of the relationship one is committed to in the forefront of one’s minds).

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IF HE’S GOT A VIRGIN/WHORE COMPLEX, HE WILL FUCK YOU OVER WHETHER HE THINKS YOU’RE THE VIRGIN OR THE WHORE. 

Any man who believes that there are only SOME type of women worth treating well is going to end up treating the woman he loves the worst (in my opinion). It’s for each and every woman who is dating a man to figure out whether he respects women or not (for example if a guy thinks there’s such a thing as a difference between a good girl and a hoe and that each “type of woman” deserves to be treated differently (aka better or worse), well then, guess what? This guy’s gonna be an asshole because he doesn’t really think women are equal to men. If a man views a woman as his equal and partner he will not go doing her in a way he doesn’t want coming straight back to him. I wonder how Tristan would react and feel if he found out Khlo boned a dude while she was pregger with his kid? I don’t think this is the case, because I think Khloe seems like she’d be the ideal girlfriend who is very loyal and trustworthy, so I don’t think Tristan had anything to worry about. But now that he’s wronged her and their child, I’m curious about how she feels.

Why do cheaters seek out those who don’t cheat? Because cheaters have fragile egos and they could never handle receiving what they dish out (yes, I am bitter based on people I’ve dated in the past who were like this..can’t say they were cheaters since they were open about being with other women, and we weren’t in committed relationships. On my part, I was monogamous with them. I never did anything to make them feel I was interested in another man, because I wasn’t and that’s not who I am. They rubbed their other conquest in my face of course. Yet, I noticed these men freaked out at the smallest sign of feeling like I might find someone else attractive or not be entirely obsessed with them: HYPOCRITES!

All I know from being with liars and cheaters is that I suggest people who want to maintain their self-confidence STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM! Based on my experience with perpetual playboys who always need the attention of multiple women at any given time, the men I dated only seemed to feel loved when they realized their treatment of me hurt me deeply (which I would express through intense anger and name-calling, so yep, I’m fucked up too). If I was not in pain and freaking out about how much they were hurting me, then it seemed like they thought I didn’t care at all so they’d need to treat me bad again to see if I cared enough to react (and I did at the time). So this all part of a cycle between people in harmful relationships.

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Imaginary convo: “Oh, you thought I’d be cool with you public humiliating me with side chicks a few days before I pushed your baby out of my vagine? Boy, bye!”

Khloe does not open to settling with Tristan Thompson and continuing to date him and be his woman even though he did her this way. I’ve never got the impression any of the Kardashian-Jenner women are accepting of their men being unfaithful. That doesn’t mean warning signs weren’t overlooked on Khloe’s part, but she still didn’t deserve to be lied to and cheated on. No way, no how! I love Khloe and ultimately, people can’t live their lives guarded and always expecting the worst. Even though I have a tendency to think in worst-case-scenarios-ways I still dated assholes who treated me terribly. Still after those relationships and after hearing about Khloe and Tristan, I wonder what can be learned for next time. Celebrity gossip (especially when there’s proof like with the videos of Tristan cheating) can be productive and can help change our lives as viewers for the better (if we want them to).

EVERYBODY IS INNOCENT UNTIL PROVEN GUILTY, BUT FOCUS ON THE FACTS TOO.

Don’t ignore facts. Like, oh, he has another girl pregnant right now. Even if they’re not in a relationship it doesn’t really make a diff if she’s got a bun in the oven and the dude you wanna bone is the papa. If I was in this scenario, I hope that I’d ask myself, “would I want the dude who’s baby I’m having to be fucking other girls while I’m preggers?” No, I don’t think I would like that very much, and so I hope I wouldn’t take part in putting another pregnant woman through that pain, but attractions have made me and many people do crazy things and ignore all rationality in the past, so who am I to judge?

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Chyna: “What stroller?”

I’ve got another question on hand: Who gonna date this dude (soon Tristan won’t be Tristan, he’ll just be that dude Khloe had a baby with) next? The overlap with pregnant baby mama and starting new relationships/hooking up with others while baby mama pregnant has happened twice so far. Hopefully, Tristan can get help and change his patterns. I believe it is possible to stop destructive relationship patterns, but there has to be the desire to do so. Maybe Tristan just needs to find a girl who can live with his indiscretions and is open to a Sister Wives situation like Kody Brown’s wives are.

I hope Khloe is blocking out social media, other people’s opinions and is focusing on her baby. As I know from watching Keeping up with the Kardashians for such a long time, Khloe has wanted a baby for many years. I am happy she has a baby and I hope that she gets some peace soon and doesn’t feel too much pain and sadness! Khloe seems like a resilient person. But, as anyone who’s been deeply betrayed knows, it is hard to see past it when you’re in it. Even Beyonce doubted her self-worth when Jay-Z cheated on her. It’s natural to feel that way, but that doesn’t mean anybody needs to settle for someone who betrays them in the worst way possible.

Baths Interview

I fell in love with Baths album Obsidian back in 2013. It is dark and sad, yet also very danceable and catchy: a rare find in my opinion. Anyways, Baths (aka Will Wiesenfeld who originates from California) took the stage (in Nike running pants, which I found entertaining) at Fortune Sound Club last night.

The crowd was clearly really into his music and his set flew by (I can easily get bored at shows, but this was not the case at his show). Part way through the set he mentioned that he’s sick, but I never would have know since his voice was incredible, clear, and powerful.

If you’re feeling down and want to wallow in your sorrows while listening to some beautiful indie electronic music download some Baths asap!

 

 

 

 

Alfred Drinking Coffee and Chatting with VanIsReal

Alfred Zagloul loves coffee. This simple premise was used as the inspiration for his incredibly popular account (Alfred started his Instagram on September 1st, 2016 and he’s already up to 2397 followers as of January 17th, 2017) and it’s worked out swimmingly.

Even if you don’t love coffee (I’ve been off it for 2 weeks, but I’m sure my addiction will rear it’s ugly head again soon enough), I think his account is worth following if you use IG because his expression makes me laugh and without Alfred using any words it’s like he’s letting people know, “I feel ya”. Life ain’t always easy, but the best thing we can do is laugh at ourselves, and that’s why @alfreddrinkingcoffee is such an impactful account!

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Alfred at Revolver on Cambie.

It was my first time at Revolver and the music was my favourite part of the coffee shop: old school U2 and the War on Drugs were playing while we were there.

In addition to how amazing he is on IG, Alfred was kind, interesting, and easy to talk to in real life, so I give this “Accountant by day/Coffee Drinker also by day” (the tagline on Alfred’s IG) two thumbs up!

What do you love about Vancouver?

“Obviously, the biggest thing for me is the coffee culture in general. So, I love how everywhere you go in Vancouver, 90% of the people love coffee. Every shop that you go to has a different vibe, has a different flavour, so you get a real taste, a huge variation of tastes and flavours around Vancouver, which is really rare to see in some cities, so I love that about Vancouver.”

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If you’ve ever felt like a freak or an outsider, what helped you through it?

“Ok, so I had to really think about this. So, there’s been a couple times where I just felt like an outsider here and there, and I, honestly, the reason why I love coffee so much is because of the coffee shops themselves. So I’d go to a coffee shop, sit down and you feel like you’re a part of a group, even though you’re not really. You can just sit there and enjoy, hear some random conversations, hear what is going on around you and just enjoy the atmosphere of a good coffee shop. Usually, that’s my go-to if I ever do feel like an outsider or anything like that.”

Where did you come up with the idea for your Instagram?

“Honestly, a lot of my co-workers noticed that I’m obsessed with coffee before we did this. And they’re like, “Alfred you need to have an account.” So, we started pitching ideas and thinking about what we should do, and next thing I know here I am with colourful shirts, staring deadpan into the camera, and drinking coffee. Thought the most simple idea was the best way to go, so that’s where the idea came from basically.”

Kevin’s Key to Being an Outsider: Own It!

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Kevin Wolfhard (@kwolfhard) knows what’s up!

If you’ve ever felt like a freak or an outsider, what helped you through it?

“Always…and essentially, I mean it took me quite a lot of time to sort of figure this out, but if you don’t own being a dork, being a weirdo, being a misfit, being an outsider…it’s, you can’t live life like that.

So if you just own it, it’s the best thing in the world. It’s who you are, right? This is why I dance at the Fox. It’s the ultimate expression of who I am as a person.”

I was feeling super crappy today (damn you PMS and a lack of sunlight), so I am so thankful to Kevin for his unbelievably wise words, because they boosted me up and reminded me of what’s important in life.

Owning who you are (which I find challenging to do all the time, but it feels so good when I do own who I am) is the best way to cope with feeling like a freak!

If you want to look at some gorgeous photos, please follow Kevin on Instagram: @kwolfhard. 

Fleabag: Funny Feminist Television

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If you’re into TV shows about confused, messed-up, funny, thoughtful, complicated and endearing white women in their early 30s then the show Fleabag might be for you.

The site Jezebel.com had a review of the BBC series Fleabag up a few weeks ago, so I downloaded the 1st season. There’s only 6 episodes and I burned through them right away. Then I watched them all a second time over because of how comforting and entertaining I find the series to be.

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Writer and star of FLEABAG Sophie Waller-Bridge

The series protagonist is Fleabag played by the outstandingly talented Phoebe Waller-Bridge. Waller-Bridge is 31 years old in real life and she is responsible for writing all 6 episodes of the first season. Fleabag, the televisions series, is the end result of a fringe play that Waller-Bridge originally performed in Edinburgh.

Anyways, while I now feel like my life is coming together (I’m 32) in terms of having a satisfying relationship with my boyfriend and a new job that I feel passionate about, most of my 20s (after I broke up with my first serious boyfriend in 2006) were spent binge-drinking alcohol and smoking tons of weed, and hooking up with random men who either weren’t interested in me, or if they were, then I immediately became repulsed by them. Once I quit drinking I continued to pursue womanizers who’d bounce from female to female and insult my physical appearance…and just generally contribute to why I felt like a piece of shit.

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Due to my own history, which was mostly spent as a single female looking for and rejecting any chance of finding love, I gravitate to stories about women who are going through similar experiences to what I went through for so long (editor’s note: That is not to say my relationship is perfect, and it started off in a highly dysfunctional manner, but I am much happier at this point then I was 2 years ago when I turned 30…I hate when people are in a relationship and present their lives as free of problems).

Anyways, Fleabag has an on-off boyfriend named Harry. During the 1st episode Harry and Fleabag are in bed. Harry wakes up to Fleabag masturbating to a video of President Obama she’s watching on her laptop, and he is offended and disgusted. The sensitive and giving Harry stuffs a few of his things into a bag and breaks up with Fleabag. Fleabag assures the viewer (she regularly speaks directly to the camera/viewer to give us the inside scoop…and while this approach is at first slightly disarming, it eventually made me feel like Fleabag and I were tight) that Harry will be back. Since Harry is fully into Fleabag, she tramples all over him and uses their short-term break-ups to fuck some real douchebags.

This show made me (and my friend and my boyfriend when I showed them some episodes) laugh a lot! I don’t want to spoil all the hilarious moments, but some of them centre around sending out mass vagina-shot texts to try to find a date, Fleabag discussing how heavy her period flow is when she randomly runs into a hook-up while shopping for tampons, and uncomfortable anal sex. I’m not expecting you to laugh here, since any of these situations could end up being written and portrayed in a way that is stupid and offensive, but in my opinion, these situations made me crack-up without brushing off the underlying emotional desperation Fleabag is experiencing to say and do the things she does.Image result for sophie waller bridgeFleabag operates her own tiny cafe, and she is heavily in debt. Once upon a time she ran it with her best friend Boo, but I can’t share anything more without giving away too many good plot details to ruin your viewing of the show (if you so choose to watch it). I think that Fleabag is a feminist show because Fleabag aims to be an independent, confident business woman who has a loving partner and a positive self-image, but the sad events that have occurred during the last few years of Fleabag’s life (some of which might be partially due to her own making) are causing her to harm herself, and lash out at everyone around her.

The show makes some very accurate feminist observations about how women are sexualized and treated as sexual objects, without ever pretending that women don’t often do the same thing to men. Fleabag favours the good looking guy over the man who will support her, and this is just one example of how Fleabag is a highly imperfect protagonist. Since all people are imperfect, I think this also makes her relatable. Feminism can take many forms, and while I don’t have much fun reading feminist theory, I do enjoy seeing a female try to figure out how to balance wanting to be desirable with respecting herself and chasing her ambitions.

Fleabag’s relationship with her older sister Claire (played by Sian Clifford) reminded me of my own relationship with my sister. It’s hard for us to open up about personal topics with one another, and sometimes it’s even awkward for us to hug, but Fleabag also captures the undeniable and unbreakable bond that exists between sisters since nobody knows you better than your own sister. Claire is married to a lecherous man named Martin (played perfectly by Brett Gelman), and Claire’s dedication to a man who treats her poorly, but who makes her laugh, is an issue between the sisters.Image result for sophie waller bridge fleabagFleabag and her sister Claire (played beautifully by Sian Clifford)

Fleabag and Claire’s father is in a relationship with a woman they despise, and the
“stepmom” character (though their father is not actually married to her) who is only referred to as “Godmother” (played by Olivia Colman) is the only character in the series who is presented as one-dimensional: she is threatened by Claire and Fleabag’s relationship with their father, and “Godmother” constantly makes passive aggressive jabs at Fleabag and Claire. The one-dimensional nature of “Godmother” allows the actress playing her to go wild and take her artsy-fartsy character all the way to the top.Image result for sophie waller bridge

Olivia Colman as “Godmother”

By the final episode of the series it all becomes apparent why Fleabag is so screwed-up and why she is struggling to like herself, let alone love herself. The show is dark, sick, twisted, and so very special. If you’re looking for something to watch this weekend that isn’t mindless entertainment, give Fleabag a try!

Paul’s Not Afraid Of Getting On His Soapbox

Some friends took my boyfriend and I to a weekly event (once a month on a Saturday night) at a closed coffee shop on Commerical Drive called SOAPBOX. The premise is that you go up and take the microphone (there is no actual stage though) at the front and talk about whatever issue or topic you want to (I was told there is usually a theme each night…I’m not sure what the theme was last night, but unsurprisingly most of the debate centred around Black Lives Matter for good reason).

Anyways, I really enjoyed it, because I don’t feel comfortable getting into arguments on Facebook. I love arguing with people though (I am still very proud–and inclined to show off at any time I can work it into a conversation–of getting 99% in grade 12 philosophy), so I enjoy being able to discuss my viewpoints with people face to face. I think it leaves less room for unnecessary misinterpretation, and it requires a certain level of accountability, since you’re not “hiding behind a screen” as they say…even though your name is attached to your comment on Facebook…Soapbox felt more personal to me in a good way. Yes, I am veering into that annoying real life is so much better than social media cliched argument that I hate, so I apologize for that.

Paul stood out because he shared some insightful points and he was really funny too. His style is very fun and very rock!

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New Music: All Failures by Isomers

Artist: Isomers. Song: All Failures.

This is the first video I’ve directed, and it makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside.